I have my heart in my throat, my jaw is tightly clenched and I try to breathe normally. My face is hot, and I feel so frustrated that tears will start rolling down my cheek any moment, so I just press my lips together. This is what I usually feel when I am having heated discussions with other people. I used to think that I was a girl that had a heart made out of stone, and able to control discussions with logic. However, this week I’ve been paying attention to my behavior and the way I react to exasperation, and one thing is evident: I got it all wrong.
Let’s start off with the fact that I can’t think rationally in disagreements. My brain suddenly blocks the logical thinking , and I start believing it’s a personal attack and not a simple, constructive exchange of opinions. Hence, arguments my just start basing themselves on how I feel at the moment, which is usually furious and annoyed. Moreover, I immediately view the situation with a negative perspective. Whether we are discussing which grade I really deserve or whose opinion is correct, I tend to think to all the negative consequences of this action rather than seeing how I could improve the situation at the moment, which leads me to responding quickly, trying to defend myself rather than taking some minutes to process the reality of the situation. Reflecting so much about my actions this week leads me to understand the real power of learning how to stay calm in heated discussions, because its the exasperation in the moment that leads the brain to block itself and start acting like you shouldn't. It is all right to fight for what you believe, but it's another thing to react without control and regretting what you say afterwards. Digging even deeper, I’ve arrived to the conclusion that the more people present at the moment of the situation, the angrier I tend to get. However, now I don’t believe it’s all really anger, but also a mix with fear of being humiliated. I can recall many situations in which the reason for my snapping or raising my voice during a conversation was because I didn’t want to be the one losing the “case” in front of other people. And this is a fact, because if I know that if I would have been defending the idea rather than my personal ego, there would be no need to get so emotionally attached about it. It sounds extremely immature and illogical, but deep down I believe it’s also true in most people. Status quo rejects failure and humiliation, and losing an argument is usually one way to show weakness. In order to exercise control and alleviate my outbursts, I've been implementing some techniques to control my thoughts and actions during a discussion. One method that works extremely well is waiting patiently until the person has finished telling all of their side. This limits myself from jumping back and saying something personal rather than objective and logical to show my point of view. Although it sounds extremely basic, it is sometimes the simplest things that make the most impact. I’m crossing my fingers that this actually works, because discussions are part of life, and they can be actually useful to understand all the perspectives and even help you grow as a person--if you just listen.
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I think I had been scrolling down the Facebook homepage for so long, I started to recognize some posts from yesterday night. I just kept doing it though, trying so hard to forget that I had a Math test and a blog post due the next day. Again, I was procrastinating, and I didn’t feel like feeling stressed just yet. This is the way my week goes, always waiting for the last minute to study for the test, to sign the permission slip, to email someone back. I used to believe that procrastination was a normal habit for every teenager. Although it is a common habit, I’ve come to realize its way more than just learning how to do a project in 20 minutes.
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